Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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