He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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