She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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