I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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