tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
