I wish I could teleport
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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