Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
