He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize