bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
