reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
