obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
