my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize