we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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