A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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