my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
