is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
