Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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