It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize