Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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