i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
