3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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