Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
