Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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