I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
