FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
