i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
