if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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