mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
