theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
