very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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