Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize