the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
