i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
