3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize