The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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