I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
