batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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