every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Everyone says I win the strip club
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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