the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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