Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize