honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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