So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
