ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There r osticjed everywhere
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
