Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
