I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
