I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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