I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
