glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
