Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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