god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize