Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
