Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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