Just fell off a train. Bad.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
