I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
