I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize