Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
