so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
