I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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