I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
