you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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