I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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