my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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