Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
