your parents love me but you hate me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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