marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
