I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
