Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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