Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
