oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize