Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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