I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
