Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
