Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
