I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
