I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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