i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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