If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize