that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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