did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
