haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
