It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
