My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
