My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
