Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
