you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
