I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am available for nakedness
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
