I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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