Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize