Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize