Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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