i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
