I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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