Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
