I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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